Bean-based Humor Gifts

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"My guess it's guacamole."

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

Preserved

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

That fateful day when curiosity actually DID kill the cat.

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.