Bean-based Humor Pillows

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

That fateful day when curiosity actually DID kill the cat.

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

Preserved

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."