Banana Humorist Pillows

"You can try make-up, but you're a banana...age spots are inevitable."

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

That fateful day when curiosity actually DID kill the cat.

Produce Dept. Why is they are always yesterday's bananas or tomorrow's bananas, and never today's bananas?

'It's the law of the puszta, son. Them tripping on a banana skin, that's funny. Us tripping on a banana skin, that's a conspiracy!'

Banana Ballet

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Conference Pears

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

Johns Hopkins School of Best Medicine

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I didn't know which one to cross."

"He didn't slip on even one of those peels..."

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

'Now that we can walk upright, we have to be especially careful about banana peels.'

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

Eye Bank.

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

'Personal foul. On the defense. Plucking the passer.'

Midnight in the Vegetable Garden of Good and Evil.

'I don't think I've ever had an eggplant before!'

An Artichoke choking on some food

He suspected the driver's airbag was not functioning correctly.

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."

Hamlet, Chicken of Denmark: 'to cross, or not to cross'

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"How's the self defense classes going?"