Beachgoing Gifts

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

Octopus Lady

Renewable Energy

'My plan is to build a sandcastle here, but right now I'm working on the financing.'

'It says...desperately seeking someone to explain the difference between Obamacare and the Affordable Health Care Act...'

"Damn the Germans got here first!"

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

"No, sweetie, we don't go to the beach. We're from New Jersey - we go to the shore."

Cow going to Moood Beach.

How To Go In

A day at the beach

Sunblock, for insensitive skin.

'We interupt ocean sounds for an advertorial against offshore oil drilling...'

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"You really need some sun."

Grim Reaper: 'Really wish you were here...'

'Come here often?'

Happy?... well yes, I guess I am... but I really don't have anything to compare it to.

Nudist Beach: Beautiful PeopleEveryone else.

'Sorry, kids, I forgot we live in Michigan.'

'It's the middle of summer and the family is beginning to fear that you're stalking them.'

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Third-Degree White Belt

Lifeguard stand with a sign saying "Swim Critic"

"Dad! I made a sand embarrassment!"

Bulletin at Malibu

"It lets me be me."

"Drowning. What's new with you?"

The Leathery, Shapeless speedo sporter.

"Stop saying 'fire bad' — it's the sun!"

"We can put a man on the moon, but we can't put a Trader Joe's on Wailea Beach?!"

"Formidable, huh? Which reminds me … your mother called."

"We got tired of chasing them away."