Beach Visiting Gifts

"The only thing that stops a bad shark is a good shark."

Souvenir Selfies.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Nation-building never works."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

Beach con-man.

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Holiday time.

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Thank-you God.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'He lives for his holidays.'

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Bring your own inflatable.

Working Holiday

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"