Beach Day Gifts

Beer Parasol.

'The exercise ball really worked! I fell off it and ended up in the hospital. Couldn't stand the food and lost enough weight to fit into this suit.'

Beach con-man.

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

"Nation-building never works."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

Holiday time.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Thank-you God.'

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

Bring your own inflatable.

'He lives for his holidays.'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Working Holiday

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"