Beach Day Pillows

Beer Parasol.

'The exercise ball really worked! I fell off it and ended up in the hospital. Couldn't stand the food and lost enough weight to fit into this suit.'

Beach con-man.

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

"Nation-building never works."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Holiday time.

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

"Too crowded. Let's go."

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Thank-you God.'

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

'He lives for his holidays.'

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Bring your own inflatable.

Working Holiday

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

"Harry—Let's get brunch and day drink."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."