Beach Days Gifts

'No surf?'

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"It screams, 'I'm bold, proud, and require ample sun protection.'"

Thank you for showing me your new board, but do you think you could put Grandad back on the mantlepiece?

Spatula beach

"I tan easily."

"Nation-building never works."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"Too crowded. Let's go."

Holiday time.

Beach con-man.

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'Thank-you God.'

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

'He lives for his holidays.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Bring your own inflatable.

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.