Beach Bum Humorist Gifts

'You know, I don't think I've ever seen a Bank Holiday before...'

Attack of the dreaded pantsing sharks.

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Beach con-man.

Desert Island Meals.

Bad fake tan day.

'Thank-you God.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Bring your own inflatable.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

Hiding the electronics.

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

Iliadette.

Surfing koala.

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

'It must be the dead sea.'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

Baby on board.

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'