Beach Bum Gifts

People dressed in green roll up the beach like a carpet

"It's time for us to go back to Sixty-fifth and Third, Richard."

An email finds you

"Where? Where?"

Sunbathing Police Officer

'I'm MELTING!!!' - 'Oh knock it off, we're ALL hot!'

"I told you to wear sunscreen."

"It's over. Go home."

"The listing said it's only one block from the beach!"

That's a material breach if I've ever seen one.

"God, I love the smell of sunblock in the morning."

A man a plan a canal Panama.

'You're going to get baked out there. At least put on some butter or sour cream.'

"See, I told you sharks don't attack lawyers. It's a respect thing."

Caribbean Airport Security

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Dave - We need you back at the office.

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

"Damn the Germans got here first!"

"I smell bacon. Are you wearing sunscreen?"

Climate change Rebranded as "Endless Summer."

School Trip To The Beach

"What a vacation - we swam with dolphins!"

'Oh God! It's that dreadful pig we met on our honeymoon last year.'

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

"Aha! - there's a nice spot for a picnic..."

'What makes you think I'm not at my desk?'

Never fails. Go away for a holiday and all Hell breaks loose.

"Dad, would you please go back to doing the parenting, so that I can do some of the childing for a couple of minutes?"

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

'No! They're not implants!'

'I do miss the change of seasons, but thanks to technology, I've offshored everything.'

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

Tanning causes cancer and wrinkles.