Beach Body Aspirant Gifts

Bench Press Accident

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

Sun Worship

'We have a clerical special to St Croix amd St Thomas...'

Thank You For Not Asking If I's enjoying My First Vacation in 20 Years.

Pre-vacation-burn-out radiology reports.

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

Single men in Tahiti

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

Get a rockpool!

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

Flying the kite in strong winds

A mother wearing an inflatable duck leads her three children wearing inflatable ducks into the water

'Sure, sure... I'm having a great vacation.'

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

Rooster practices for sunrise

A man on a beach looks at a sign in front of the water that reads "No swimming beyond this point".

Austrailian Vollyroo

"I suppose you’re wondering why I summoned you, minion." "Not really, boss." "I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: bikinis are getting smaller and smaller, so small, in fact, that they no longer hide anything." "I think it’s about time our cafe took a stand and did something to outlaw this moral decay." "That’s why I’ve arranged for you to hand ‘campaign donations’ to several city councilmembers." "This doesn’t have anything to do with our declining donut sales, does it?" "People should never have t

'We were introduced by a scientist friend of ours, then discovered we both like getting caught in electrical storms and taking long walks on the beach to scare people."

Trucker's tan.

'It'll be a working vacation.'

A pair of yoga instructors use beds of nails on the beach.

"Hey, can you turn that thing down?!"

Marry me on a surfboard

Sunbloc 1000

"My business plan? Well, all my friends are addicted, so if I can get access to potatoes and set up a deep fryer, I'll be rich!"

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"Want to look better in your swimsuit? Visit Sally's Fitness Spa..."

"At least some things still make you pop!"

"I hate it when they dress you with their eyes."

"Mommy makeovers"

"So is this going to be one of those travel teams?"