Beach Avoider Gifts

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

'Not all of us prefer the beach.'

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

Good News about winter

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Sun Worship

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

"Cool bonfire app, man."

"I'd rather be at the office."

Single men in Tahiti

Get a rockpool!

Flying the kite in strong winds

A mother wearing an inflatable duck leads her three children wearing inflatable ducks into the water

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

"Not exactly a snowman!"

A man on a beach looks at a sign in front of the water that reads "No swimming beyond this point".

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'It'll be a working vacation.'

"Well, don't just stand there looking precancerous."

Good parenting.

"All you cockroaches, …. When he tries to listen to the ocean, … run as fast as you can into his ear."

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"At least some things still make you pop!"

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

Too posh to wash...

"So is this going to be one of those travel teams?"

'I guess we could practice beach volleyball for the next Olympics.'

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"I told you not to order the eggs sunny side up!"