Beach Avoider Gifts

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

'Not all of us prefer the beach.'

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

Good News about winter

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Sun Worship

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

"I'd rather be at the office."

Single men in Tahiti

"Cool bonfire app, man."

Get a rockpool!

Flying the kite in strong winds

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

A mother wearing an inflatable duck leads her three children wearing inflatable ducks into the water

A man on a beach looks at a sign in front of the water that reads "No swimming beyond this point".

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

"Not exactly a snowman!"

But, mom, I don't want to go to summer camp!

'It'll be a working vacation.'

"Well, don't just stand there looking precancerous."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

Good parenting.

"All you cockroaches, …. When he tries to listen to the ocean, … run as fast as you can into his ear."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"At least some things still make you pop!"

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

Too posh to wash...

"Son, for the next maybe 15 minutes, all this is yours."

"So is this going to be one of those travel teams?"

'I guess we could practice beach volleyball for the next Olympics.'