Aqua Avoider Gifts

The ocean - vast, deep magnificent...

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Sawdust.

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

'I want to go out of town so that I can become a fully independent person, but near enough so that I can bring my laundry home.'

Any requests for songs that aren't about fish? Jazz Butcher.

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

Oil man gets oil for his car directly from oil well.

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

I don't get it. You can make a goal from one end of the field to the other, but you can't hit the laundry basket six inches away.

'Why can't you do that while I'm on the golf course?'

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

Too posh to wash...

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

The pair of socks waited confidently in the corner, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, no one ever suspects the socks.

"I told you not to order the eggs sunny side up!"

'The sad thing is, Jonah's so afraid of the water now, he won't even take a bath.'

"You're in my laundry's favorite seat."

'OK, give him a shove.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'