Beach Hater Gifts

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"Dad! I can't believe we come to the beach and you set up all the way out here! I can barely see the ocean...we're so far from the wa..."

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, do we build a boat or a tiki bar?"

Mankini - One size fits all.

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

'I'm in hock up to my ears, I work in a dead-end job for eight bucks an hour, my wife and girlfriend are both pregnant - and you think you need help!'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

But, mom, I don't want to go to summer camp!

Why do men wear long short pants?

"Don't pull the draw string too tight - you'll choke yourself out."

"Not exactly a snowman!"

A beach has meters.

"Well, don't just stand there looking precancerous."

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

'I am wearing my bikini!'

Tsunami Selfie

"All you cockroaches, …. When he tries to listen to the ocean, … run as fast as you can into his ear."

Sure, she could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk, shock the jock, lock the dock or even hawk a little sunblock.

"Out of curiosity. . . how much vacation time would I get?"

EU: Legal Labelling Requirements for Meat!

"Not only are you in violation of the city nude beach ordinance....I also believe that shell is on the endangered species list."

Just In - Untreated Sewage Blobs

"Dad's Game of Thrones obsession is getting a bit much."

"I've never been much of a beach guy."

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

'It keeps Harold from oogling all of the bathing beauties.'

'Now remember, smile and try and wiggle 'em.' - The discarded box is labelled Falsies.

'How long have you been a life-guard Mister?'

'You! Shame on you!'

'Bah! If I wanted long walks on the beach, I'd get a dog!'

"Have you heard about what the fiberglass in surfboards can do to you?"

'Good dig, Tori!!'