Summer Hater Gifts

But, mom, I don't want to go to summer camp!

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I hate Mondays.'

'Get up and put your house slippers on! - You'll be late for home school!'

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

"You know I hate birthdays!"

'It's not the global warming it's the humidity.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Is it just me, or is the pollen particularly bad this year?"

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"I hate hibernating! All our devices need updating. And now we need to go through a thousand phone and text messages."

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

"Dang it."

'Looks like somebody is ready for summer.'

Sunbathing in Winter

'Monday is too far from Friday, yet Friday is too close to Monday.'

"Get out of the kiddy pool Dad."

"Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the heat..."

My New Year's resolution? To no longer suffer in silence. I will moan, whimper, and complain until you resolve to get the heater fixed.

Dog Sun Shade.

Crisp New England Air.

"It's not the heat or the humidity. It's the self-recrimination over not finding a way to get out of the city this summer."

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

The Non-Sporting Group

"It's not that I can't stand the cold - I just hate the holidays."

The Walking Dread

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."

'Apparently it was only his fear of heights that stopped him from jumping.'

"This is summer?"

"It gets rid of the spiders and it doesn't make any noise, so as far as I'm concerned it can stay."

"Watering the sidewalk, eh?"

"Monday is a horrible way to spend a seventh of your life."