Battlefield Educator Gifts

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

Building a Shelter

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

Studying and technology

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

Scout Stuff.

"I've never heard of a PE teacher giving football homework."

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"Since this is your first time seeing a rhino, just a friendly note: that’s my horn, not a giant pimple!"

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

"What do you think the delivery time is on a drone pizza?"

'... Now this releases me from any liability. And this form ...' 'Fred's legal experiences in civilian life interfered with his work in a war zone.'

BE.. All that you can BE...

'If we beat Napoleon, do you think when they invent passenger trains they will name a station after this lot?'

'Come on. It's time to wage education.'

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

"Prose & Cons."

God's Miracles.

'At least never knowing who's a friendly should prepare me for a career in business.'

"Sorry, no more room. What a shame, I’m the teacher."

'If I didn't flunk something every once in a while, how would I ever learn anything?'

France.

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

"You shouldn't blame your father for the 'F'...you should do assignments yourself!"

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

Chess Trainer

Just Another Bully.

Go to the History Channel. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you are just pretending to be interested in educational programming. There is a 98% probability you will lose interest in less than one minute and change the channel. There is a 2% chance you will fall asleep before then and forget to turn me off. You don't know me! Your webcam tells me your bookcase holds 147 books you have never even opened.