Battery Worrier Gifts

"Relax! I'm not here for you - your phone is dying."

I.T. Fear

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"'How to Buy Tickets on Bezos' Spaceship so You Can Live to See Your Teens,' by Chloe Butler."

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"You hear that? New Zealand plans to tax cow burps. You have been warned!"

Energy Bills

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

"Let's skip Earth - they have crappy Wi-Fi."

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"All I'm saying is, I wished for an endless summer vacation, and now the glaciers are melting."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'Our office is on the 14th floor, Peters... you should forget about rising sea levels.'

'I told you this house was too near the nuclear reactor. My G-gnome's already been damaged.'

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

Expectation - Man Awaits Tree So He Can Hang Himself.