Baseball Rookie Gifts

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

Perils of the double play.

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

The Other Cooperstown

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"