Major League Baseball Player Gifts

'Tex here will teach you all how to spit.'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Church for sports worshipers.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"I AM at my usual position."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

High-gravity baseball

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

350 Feet.

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'