Major League Baseball Player Gifts

'Tex here will teach you all how to spit.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Church for sports worshipers.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"I AM at my usual position."

High-gravity baseball

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Perils of the double play.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'