Baseball Players Gifts

"The perp walks are killing us."

"As expected... the call goes in for Scissors."

Baseball's New On-Field Drug Counseling

'Rule #5, all players will be issued a cup to spit in.'

'...Baseball bats, gentlemen, are sacred objects. We do not dress them up in doll clothing.'

Palmeiro Steroids - US

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Church for sports worshipers.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"I AM at my usual position."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

High-gravity baseball

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."