Barnyard Storyteller Gifts

Pull up Daisy! You're going too deep!

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

Cock A Doodle

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

Drawing on the left side of the barn.

Moo! OOM!

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

Ham-Dram

Wife to husband dressed as pantomime cow: 'I know you're exhausted, love, but at least the panto season is now ... BEHIND YOU!!'

You can always tell animals trained by 4H kids.

'Your barn door's open.'

Christmas Cow.

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

'With a herd of three cows it doesn't take long for inventory, does it, Dad?'

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

'Orchestra Pit Bull.'

"We need less cowbell!"

'Is it slop yet?'

'First of all, I want you to know that my door is always open...'

"Dad...how do you know when to stop?"

'Abandon Sheep.'

A hen paninting her eggs with egg-shell paint

Sheep Ballast

"I believe in eggs, and I think that you all believe in eggs, too!"

Throw another hedgehog on the fire, would you pet?

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

"You're free to range. Just stay away from that Tiffany—she's trouble."

A frightened woman running from a cow.