Barn Storyteller Gifts

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"Another slander suit!"

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

"It's the dog."

'Your barn door's open.'

"You know, I think the novelty of living in a converted Barn is starting to wear off."

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'Tarzan'

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

'Not so easy, is it?'

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

'Well kiddo, I'm proud to say that in all my years of service, I've never lost a sheep...'

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

"Yeah, 'Dog', just 'Dog'. I'm a working dog and my farmer is not the sentimental type. . ."

"I just found out we play a critical role in what they call 'hog production.' Pretty exciting, huh?"

'....and what was your reaction when you saw this big bear in your barn?'

'Ooh, look at Ned. He must be practicing for some sort of shadow puppet competition.'