Barkeeps Pillows

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'No ice.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"I think we may be related!"

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Beers

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Dolphin friendly tuna

"An everything Martini, please."

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Scotch and water musick."