Barhopping Pillows

"I thought it might speed up the dating process."

"This place has the best happy hour."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

Beer Stall

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Dolphin friendly tuna

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

You said you wanted beer with hops !

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

"You know what they say, time flies when you're having rum!"

Just the one...

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

Watching the football.

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

Pub restrooms; Thugs - Thugettes

Next Round Indicator

'My - You've matured, my dear.'