Bar Keeper Pillows

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

Shaken not stirred

Best Before 5th Pint.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Have you seen my dad?"

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'The King of what?'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

'I can't find a dry martini anywhere.'

"Do you take dark money?"