Bar Keeper Gifts

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

Shaken not stirred

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

Best Before 5th Pint.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'The King of what?'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'I can't find a dry martini anywhere.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Do you take dark money?"

Larry was always invited on camping trips because of his ice chest