Aspiring Barkeep Gifts

"Let's face it, I coulda been a bartender!"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

You said you wanted beer with hops !

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'The King of what?'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"Why so grim, handsome?"

"Do you take dark money?"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

The Cavern Club - "One for the long and winding road Mr McCartney?"

"I'm surprised at you, Ted. You know we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages to dogs."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"You call this ice?"