Tavernkeeper Gifts

'If that's Bo-Peep, you haven't seen me...'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

'The King of what?'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

"I'm surprised at you, Ted. You know we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages to dogs."

Larry was always invited on camping trips because of his ice chest

"White whale, red dot—we're all chasing something, my friend."

"You call this ice?"

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

Joe's Bar, Under New Joe!

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

'I finally got a grip on reality, and evidently I squeezed too hard.'

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else!

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

"You're Bard!"

"I don't have any money. I'm a mullet."

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'