Barkeeper Pillows

"Scotch and toilet water?"

"Do you have any tooth-whitening vodka?"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"In life as well as in politics, identify your base and treat 'em right.

"Hey, pal, do you have any idea who I think I am?"

Cocktail umbrella.

'It's always the same...Terry and Mike have a few drinks and then they start to kick off.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"I'm the weakest link?"

"You call this ice?"

"The thing you have to know about quicksand is the faster you shake the shaker the faster you sink,"

'The King of what?'

'Just two fingers old man!'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I don't have any money. I'm a mullet."

"By the way-you left me on the wrong doorstep last night!"

'Oh yeh? Well I'm gonna have to see some ID.'

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

"Soda or water?"

"Would you like the martinis shaken or grrrrrred?"

"That fellow over there would like to buy you a drink, have you refuse it, and then ask you to step outside for a moment."

"I'm surprised at you, Ted. You know we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages to dogs."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"Is my best friend in here?"

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"This place isn't bad during the week, but on weekends it turns into a zoo."

"Are you in for Tarzan?"

"Finish every drop - the 5 P.M. cocktail is the most important drink of the day."

"Never, ever, drink on an empty wallet."

A sign at a bar above some stools reads "Express Stools (3 drinks or less)".

"I pour the liquor. Al does the mixers. Mack handles beer and wine. Pete—fruits and garnishes. And Walt is our Jack of all trades, ready to spring into action, should one of us need to step briefly away."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."