Barkeeps Gifts

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'No ice.'

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Beers

Dolphin friendly tuna

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"An everything Martini, please."

"I think we may be related!"

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'