Barber Banter Lovers Gifts

'I don't think much of your work experience scheme Eric!'

Hair Crop Circle

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Drunk Barber

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"I'm thinkin' blond."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Deer Barber

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"Not too much off my back."

'Here comes Ted.'

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

BEER BELLY

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'