Barber Banter Lovers Gifts

'I don't think much of your work experience scheme Eric!'

Hair Crop Circle

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

Drunk Barber

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"I'm thinkin' blond."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Deer Barber

"Not too much off my back."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'Here comes Ted.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

BEER BELLY

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'