Bar Flies Gifts

Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

"Happy Hour" is a joke. It's a farce. It's a bald-faced lie, a blatant misrepresentation of the facts. It's a fabrication and an untruth. Nonetheless, I wish it lasted until seven o'clock. Happy Hour 5-6 p.m.

"Who're you calling a Modern Republican?"

'Maybe I am jinxed -- did anybody else ever get hit by a meteor while standing in line at the unemployment office?'

"I think he wants to be inconspicuous."

"Come here often?"

"Wine bottles with screw caps. . .what's that about?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"An everything Martini, please."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'Fried chickens.'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'