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Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

"Who're you calling a Modern Republican?"

'Maybe I am jinxed -- did anybody else ever get hit by a meteor while standing in line at the unemployment office?'

"I think he wants to be inconspicuous."

"Come here often?"

"Wine bottles with screw caps. . .what's that about?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'Fried chickens.'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Catnip for everyone."

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'Joe has been partying hard!'