Bar Fly Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'How come you never see Perot on C-span anymore?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"An everything Martini, please."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"Catnip for everyone."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'Fried chickens.'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'