Bar Chat Observer Gifts

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I expected it to be a lot busier on our opening night."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

"Wine improves with age."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.

Biker Hell No

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"Life's what happens while you're busy quoting other people."

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

This cocktail menu had me sold on a pink squirrel right up until they got to the word "scurry."

"My wife's an angel."

"I hear the middle class is really getting it in the neck."

"Yes, but am I the biggest dick you've ever met?"

(Can we talk?) (This woman knows how to hurt!)

'Geeze...and I thought I had it bad. My wife's just a cow.'