Bar Chat Observer Pillows

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

"I expected it to be a lot busier on our opening night."

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.

Biker Hell No

"Wine improves with age."

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"My wife's an angel."

"Yes, but am I the biggest dick you've ever met?"

(Can we talk?) (This woman knows how to hurt!)

'Yes, I'd like to screw you - I'm a lawyer.'

"I hear the middle class is really getting it in the neck."

"Public display of rejection"