Bar Chats Gifts

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

Tip Responsibly

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

"I'd feel a lot better if I had $41,568,946 in my checking account."

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"Plus cute. Did I mention extremely cute, for a fusion chef?"

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.