Bar Chat Gifts

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

Tip Responsibly

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

"Wine improves with age."

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.

'You think it's EASY being a buffer state?'