Bar Chat T-Shirts

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

Tip Responsibly

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"Wine improves with age."

"Life's what happens while you're busy quoting other people."

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.