Bar Chat Buddy T-Shirts

"I hear the middle class is really getting it in the neck."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Dolphin friendly tuna

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"Do you know what girls want?"

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"Fascinating!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

Getting together to chew the fat.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Actually, I like big hair on guys."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"Had half of Fox-and-Friends gnawing my ass this morning."

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

The Icebreaker

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

Sports Bar ???

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'I thought I was really stuck on Richard, but it turned out it was just static cling.'

"My marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic is a park, right?"

Tip Responsibly

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Actually, I'd love to work on Mars, but it's a hell of a commute."

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."