Bar Chat Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Water Al- six to eight glasses."

"I'm not getting a flat-screen TV til something better comes along."

"I look at a man's hands. If he has long fingers it usually means he has long toes."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Really? - I had no idea Calvin Coolidge was a flaming liberal!'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I'm not whining."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'