Bar Brawl Survivor Gifts

'Not you again. I thought you would've learned your lesson the last time.

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"So,... Can I call you?"

'I can lick any man in the house!'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

'Dewey is a cowboy's cowboy!'

Cool bulls.

'That's the last straw, mister.'

"You started a fist fight in a bar, eh? We'd better cut you back on the male hormones."

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

Bar bouncer resumes.

"Who you calling a candya**?"

"That wasn't very nurturing of you."

"Have you been telling everyone I'm an idiot?"

Let's get totally... Brahms and Liszt.

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

Happy Hour, 10 minute breaks for fights.

'If you were a woman I'd punch you on the nose.'

'Next time, I go in the bar to ask directions!'

'You better not start anything...'

Cowboy: 'Oh YEAH?!! Well THEN,shove,kick,whack,thump,bash,hit,gouge and PUNCH!!' 'Why you betta WATCH yourself mister! Them's FIGHTING words!'

'Do you wanna read my body language?'

'This looks like trouble.'

'Look - I know the customer asked for two fingers...'

Bar Room Practical Jokes