Bar Brawl Survivor Pillows

'Not you again. I thought you would've learned your lesson the last time.

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"So,... Can I call you?"

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

'Dewey is a cowboy's cowboy!'

'I can lick any man in the house!'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Cool bulls.

'That's the last straw, mister.'

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

Let's get totally... Brahms and Liszt.

Bar bouncer resumes.

"Who you calling a candya**?"

"You started a fist fight in a bar, eh? We'd better cut you back on the male hormones."

"That wasn't very nurturing of you."

"Have you been telling everyone I'm an idiot?"

With the victim of the bar fight badly in need of blood, a quick-thinking doctor ran an IV line from the plasma screen TV.

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

'You better not start anything...'

'If you were a woman I'd punch you on the nose.'

Happy Hour, 10 minute breaks for fights.

'Next time, I go in the bar to ask directions!'

Cowboy: 'Oh YEAH?!! Well THEN,shove,kick,whack,thump,bash,hit,gouge and PUNCH!!' 'Why you betta WATCH yourself mister! Them's FIGHTING words!'

'Do you wanna read my body language?'

'This looks like trouble.'

Bar Room Practical Jokes