Bar Brawler Aficionado Pillows

Cowboy: 'Oh YEAH?!! Well THEN,shove,kick,whack,thump,bash,hit,gouge and PUNCH!!' 'Why you betta WATCH yourself mister! Them's FIGHTING words!'

"Who you calling a candya**?"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"But, if I don't peel off the entire label, the label wins."

'He thought the fire alarm was the bell for last orders, and ran towards the bar.'

Ostrich Bar

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Frog and Princess in Bar

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

Raw Piano Bar

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

'I don't think much of this topless darts bob'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."