Bar Brawl Observer Pillows

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Why so grim, handsome?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

The Cavern Club - "One for the long and winding road Mr McCartney?"

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I'm not whining."

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"So,... Can I call you?"

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"Stock photo, right?"

'I can lick any man in the house!'

'Let me guess: you want me to pour you a tall one, right?'

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

"If I'm not back at the maze by eight, my wife reels in the damn string."

Cool bulls.

'That's the last straw, mister.'

"Peter's a man of few tweets, but many social media platforms."