Banter Bard Gifts

Grange Hildegard.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Peach flirting with a banana.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

An Archeologic Dig

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"