Banter Bard Pillows

Grange Hildegard.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Peach flirting with a banana.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I think it stopped breathing."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

An Archeologic Dig

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"