Banking Satire Collector Gifts

'There you go...we now keep our clients' money separate from our own.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'Of course our competitors have an unfair advantage - their product actually works.'

The Recession Hole.

'Nasty growth, eh? I recommend you go into hospitals at once!'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

Harvest Data Festival

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"Yes, Mr. James is in. What excuse would you like to hear for him not seeing you?"

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

'Your mom likes you ... well, heck, that's all we need.'

'About my accrued holdiay pay...can you mail it to my offshore account?'

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

Foreclosure

"The bank has completed the loan application review phase. We're now in the loan denial phase."

'Your sales are down again this month. For a guy raised by a pack of wolves you're not very bloody aggressive.'