Banking Novice Gifts

"My wife doesn't understand me. Just as I don't understand the rudimentary principles of banking."

"What's a debenture?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

Financial Services For Lawyers...Beginner's Class...

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

Paul Wolfowitz.

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"What part of 'keep it bipartisan' didn’t you understand?"

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

"My assets consist of a piggy bank, 2 teeth for the tooth fairy, and whatever change I find in the living room sofa."

'When I grow up I want to be a bank.'

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

'This is your third withdrawal this week... how about a little deposit once in a while?'

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

Absolutely No Credit

'Quantitative easing' made easy for dummies.

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'There's been a big bank merger, sir, so you now have a joint checking account with a Mr. Slavomir Bezparyadok of Zagreb.'

"The bank accepted bones in the eighties. We don't accept bones anymore."

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'

"Avoid financial ventures—your credit line is very short."

"It's a special golf bag for beginners - It has a built-in GPS."