Banking Novice Mugs

"My wife doesn't understand me. Just as I don't understand the rudimentary principles of banking."

"What's a debenture?"

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

Payback Time

Financial Services For Lawyers...Beginner's Class...

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"What part of 'keep it bipartisan' didn’t you understand?"

Paul Wolfowitz.

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

"My assets consist of a piggy bank, 2 teeth for the tooth fairy, and whatever change I find in the living room sofa."

'When I grow up I want to be a bank.'

Absolutely No Credit

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

'Quantitative easing' made easy for dummies.

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

Bank Checking and Savings. How about some clouds on your scenic checks since they never seem to clear anyway?

Loans. To make a long story short, my cash flow needs some new tributaries.

'This is your third withdrawal this week... how about a little deposit once in a while?'

'There's been a big bank merger, sir, so you now have a joint checking account with a Mr. Slavomir Bezparyadok of Zagreb.'

Piggy Banks/Cash Cows/Free Chicken Account.

"The bank accepted bones in the eighties. We don't accept bones anymore."

"Avoid financial ventures—your credit line is very short."

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'